Cheesy 80's Pop is a good thing but the music charts of the 1980s
also contained a ton of very poor pop, some of which has made our
what not to play at a 80s party list. Also some of the sickly stuff
like Kylie and Jason's especially for you or Glenn Medeiros nothings
going to change my love, has dated terribly, and it should be in
our what not to play list. However in the 80's these records were
often used as Wedding first dance records, and so these records often
hold special memories for people, and as escape the list. Other really, really naff stuff, like Aggado, stars on 45,
and charity records also escape because these tunes were "of
the moment" and at the time were just a bit of fun, designed
to get people on the dance floor. Charity records were in reaction
to an emergency and a way to motivate people to make a contribution
to a good cause. The cause is good even if the record is rubbish.
For us the worst music is always gong to be the novelty record.
These records may tell a funny story that's not so funny after hearing
it for the tenth time. These are records a DJ has to waste money
on, and after a week or two will get on every ones nerves, novelty
records make up most of our worst of the 80s selection. included are
a couple of stars on 45 spin offs because these tunes overworked
the formula and there are limits.
We hope not to offend anyone who may be mad enough
to like any of these tunes, so reasons are given to what makes theses tracks terrible.
The list of tunes an 80's music DJ
should avoid is in no particular order.You may have found this webpage because you are looking for hints and ideas of what music to play at an 80s party. Our first advice would be to hire a reliable 80s party DJ that knows the music and what tracks have stood the test of time. Beyond that we can advise you ............
What not to play at an 80s party By DJ Jim
Laurie Anderson's - O superman
This was a very strange mix of talking and not much music, I could
never understand why this tune got so high in the charts. I think
it was a number two but it was really boring.
The Brat - Chalk dust
In reaction to one of John Mcenroe's famous tennis tantrums he
saw "Chalk dust" "I cant believe it either"
Joe Dolce - Shut up your Face
I could be wrong but I think this was one of the two records that
kept Vienna by Ultrovox from hitting the top spot. The other was
by John Lennon.
The Tweets - Birdie song
Grans of the world unite. When this record was in the charts (about
1981) It was a sure fire floor filling smash for the 70 something's,
so if you book me for your 100th birthday party I will be sure to
bring it with me.
Paul McCartney - Frog song
Was this also called we all stand together, no sit down, lie down
and fall asleep to this one. In any case its terrible.
Spitting image - Chicken song
Really this should be excused on the grounds its simply highlighting
the fact that
- Novelty records are Rubbish
- Novelty records take five minutes to make, and are pointless
beyond the fact they exploit the record buying public
- People who buy them are stupid
Yes I did buy this record, the extended 12 inch with a remix on
the b side. However at the time it was number one in the charts
I remember getting a request for it, and it caused a dance floor
Black Lace - Superman (however I liked aggado and
at kids parties we sometimes play do the conga)
I always thought aggado was quite a catchy tune its got simply,
cherie lyrics, Super man on the other hand is slow and boring with
a silly boring party dance routine, it will work well on that 100th
birthday party if nobody wants to dance.
Minder - What are we gonna get er indoors
Forget singing the theme tune, Arthur and Terry should have also
stayed indoors, this was a very lame Christmas record, in an attempt
to cash in the huge success of 80's tv show Minder. Er indoors would
not have been happy to get this festive flop from Gorge Cole and
Dennis Waterman for Christmas.
The Firm - Arthur Daleys (e's alright)
This novelty record played on the popularity of TV show Minder
which was a massive hit for ITV in the early to mid 80's. The gullible
record buying public deserves no mercy, to let this get into the
charts, we must have been minder mad.
The Firm Star - Trekking
Building on their earlier classic works Star trekkin, I think got
to number One in the charts in. Based on the brilliant star trek
series, this may have been a party record, but not as we know it.
st Winifreds school choir - There's no one quite
Perhaps they where trying to kill her off by boring
her to death, sick bag on stand by, Sorry Gran that 100th we mentioned,
I'll do it then and not before.
Wonder Dog - Ruff mix
Terrible, terrible naff record, I think some record producer discovered
how to add samples to a backing track and the sample he choose was
that of a dog barking to the beat. Simon Cowell
had something to do with this right rough mix and there is a vid on youtube with Simon dressed as wonderdog doing an interview. We must have been
barking mad to buy this one. As bad as what the dog turns his dinner
Rory Bremner - N-n-n-n-nineteen Not Out
This was a tune I steered clear and I don't think I bought this,
so I cant really remember it that well. However it was a spoof of
Paul Hardcastles 19 and was something about cricket. For that 100th
birthday party we can adapt it a bit N-n-n-n-n-Ninety Nine Not out.
Morris minor and the mg's - Stutter rap
Very politically incorrect comedy record, a spoof of the VW badge
wearing Beastie boys, I think comedian Tony Hawks was involved in
Roland rat - Rat Rap
Saved TV am but this didn't stop him punishing us by making several
songs, can only remember this one.
Kenny Everate - Snot rap
Kenny was great, very funny and at the time I may even have like
this tune(for about 5 minutes)
Harry Enfield - Loads of money
Look at my wad, at the time I loved the Loads of money character,
but now regret making Mr Enfield's wad that bit bigger by handing
over some dosh for this load of old tosh.
Fred Wedlock - Oldest swinger in town
At the time not even the old folk liked this one, I did a bowling
club party back in about 1982, and everyone seemed to me to be of
very senior years, they were dancing to some disco music when, for
the sake of variety played this. Some bloke of about 75 came over
and threaten to punch me in the face if I took the micky again.
Keith Harris plus Orville - Orville's song
Yuck. Sorry but Orville defiantly laid an Egg.
Toy dolls - Nellie the elephant
I have a recollection the Toy dolls were a punk band, and just
made this to pay the bills. If that was the case then good luck
to them. It worked for about two weeks before the shine of novelty
wore thin and this tune would never work in an 80's party today.
Mc mike - Holiday rap
Holiday was a good enough tune, if it needed a rap in it Mike should
ave given the mic back to Madonna.
Vanessa paridis - Joe le taxi
Sickly, syrup sort of song. Not a Wedding one so its on the rubbish
records of the 80s list. It scores extra minus points because at
the time I liked it, and quite often I caught myself humming the
darn thing. I am ashamed of myself.
Pump up the bitter - Stars on 45 (pints)
Like most of these records I would have bought it at the time but
never actually played it so I cant remembered much about it, except
it was a spoof of the novelty format stars on 45. I know Chas and
dave also did a similar spoof ie stars over 45 which I haven't included,
but Chas and Dave have never taken themselves seriously, and are
just out to enjoy themselves and so should we. Pump up the bitter
however was a play on a 1987 Number one record M.A.RS pump up the
volume which it self started life as the B side to the far superior
Cybils My Love is guaranteed. Also it was released about 5 or 6
years after the stars on 45 series and was no longer relevant. Its
a worn out spoof of a b side, the bottom of the beer barrel has
been scraped clean.
Happy talk - Captain Sensible
Originally a tune from south pacific Happy talk was a number one
back in about 1982. Captain sensible was Formerly the drummer from
the Dammed. Maybe he was doing his own thing, making a few quid
and the joke was on us. I remember this tune entered the charts
at around 33, and radio one DJ Dave Lee Travis said how much he
loved it, and next week it was at number one. No 70's punk rocker
should ever have been reduced to this, playing Rogers and Hamerstein
and getting recommended by DLT.
Recently I was forced to review my position on Happy Talk as the good Captain appeared at a large outdoor 80s party where I was the DJ and compare. Actually he is a very nice chap and his stage performance wasn't just Sensible it was "Sensational". However the tune is still bonkers so I am afraid it has to stay on the the naughty but not so nice list of 80s music.
Neil hole in my shoe
Young ones, great. Soppy Neil as a singer sorry no. I can excuse
him and rest of the young ones gang doing Living doll with Sir Cliff,
because it was for Charity (imaging Smashy and Nicey saying that).
But Hole in My shoe and the follow up single which was something
about a white bicycle, was just an attempt to trade in on the stupid
record buying public insatiable demand for novelty records.
Camouflage Stan Ridgway
I am not sure if this was really for real. Strangely this tune
worked in so many ways, catchy and with reasonable production however
it was just the odd subject matter that I didn't understand, A marine
caught in a barrage saved by a solider called camouflage. Odd.
Anita Dobson - Any one can fall in love
She may be married to that Star gazing guitarist from Queen
but Angie should have stayed behind the bar at the Queen Vic and
never dreamt of doing the the eastenders theme to music. Any one
can fall in Love well Den had to die twice to get away from this nonsense
Lulu - shout 1986
We Love 60s music and the original 1964 Lulu recording of this record which was made
when she was about 15 years old is a masterpiece. Written by the Isley brothers, Lulus version was a perfect party record and has stood the test of time very well. Unfortunately in 1986 someone
had the not so bright idea of re-recording shout, 80's style. Its
Naff, Lame and made the 1964 version unplayable for 5 years.
Frankie goes to hollywood - Rage hard
Its only on this list because My local record shop actually gave
away copies of this record to help it chart. After the unbelievable
success of their previous work it was a desperate attempt to stop
the evitable fall into chart obscurity. If they didn't manage to
get all the way to Hollywood, Frankie should have gone home gracefully.
Royal Philharmonic Orchestra - Hooked on classics
A load of classical music samples were strung together with a backing
drumbeat to jazz it up. I remember this being played on top of the
pops, Teenagers bopping around to the sounds of Mozart and Beethoven
etc is just not right. I often tune in to classic radio on a long
drive home from gigs so I am not saying classical music is rubbish.
But its wrong to give it the stars on 45 treatment. Some people
might have thought It would help bring classical music to the record
buying masses but instead it was pants. You had to be Brahms and
Liszt to dance to this one.
Jive Bunny - Every thing by Jive Bunny
Stars on 45 rip off merchants. However I have some medley type
records that predate stars on 45 so I am sure this format will some
be back in vogue and in the charts.